I understand. It is very much like that with me and my sisters (in fact, if I didn't ignore all the behavior they have that I disagree with, well... I wouldn't be able to talk to any of them, *sigh*)
I'm not proud of the way I reacted to the situation. I just have a very hard time stopping my train, and when you had to stop, I really wasn't ready to, so everything else that was "in the way" was frustrating. I am one of those people that tends to "slow boil" and then everything that was bothering me, however insignificant, can come up at once and seem so much worse than it is because it's combined, and I try very hard not to let myself give into that, but I do sometimes. And I was trying to forestall more of that behavior from myself by asking to wait until there was more time because I didn't want to start down that path again.
I used to try and explain all my issues up front when I met people, so that they would know why I was the mess that I was. I found, though, that they didn't understand even when I did that, and so I stopped explaining and only opened up to a few people after that. It's hard to find the right balance of what to tell and what not to tell, and I think it's harder on the internet because there's only text boxes to do it in, no facial expressions or voice inflections and because we only know what each person we interact with is willing/able to share so we don't know enough. It can lead to plenty of misunderstandings. My friend and I actually had to agree not to text/chat for certain conversations because we both got upset by them because it was just text.
I didn't mean to suggest that you shouldn't post about your days and what you're doing. In fact, it was kind of worrisome that you didn't. I know I overreacted to the reading ones in the past (that is a whole other part of my insanity) and again, not proud of that, but when I said I didn't want to know that you were working on stuff, it was only regarding the stuff we were doing together. It was me not wanting to get my hopes up about that story again, not wanting to restart the train. I don't think you should have to censor your posts for me, and I don't want you to. I'm sorry that wasn't clearer. I just found that when you'd say "I might have some of this in a few days," I'd try not to get excited, fail, and get frustrated again when the few days passed and there wasn't anything. I haven't been able to fix that, which was why I said I thought I'd do better if I didn't know it was coming at all.
You are free to post what you want about your activities. Really.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2014-05-16 05:07 pm (UTC)I'm not proud of the way I reacted to the situation. I just have a very hard time stopping my train, and when you had to stop, I really wasn't ready to, so everything else that was "in the way" was frustrating. I am one of those people that tends to "slow boil" and then everything that was bothering me, however insignificant, can come up at once and seem so much worse than it is because it's combined, and I try very hard not to let myself give into that, but I do sometimes. And I was trying to forestall more of that behavior from myself by asking to wait until there was more time because I didn't want to start down that path again.
I used to try and explain all my issues up front when I met people, so that they would know why I was the mess that I was. I found, though, that they didn't understand even when I did that, and so I stopped explaining and only opened up to a few people after that. It's hard to find the right balance of what to tell and what not to tell, and I think it's harder on the internet because there's only text boxes to do it in, no facial expressions or voice inflections and because we only know what each person we interact with is willing/able to share so we don't know enough. It can lead to plenty of misunderstandings. My friend and I actually had to agree not to text/chat for certain conversations because we both got upset by them because it was just text.
I didn't mean to suggest that you shouldn't post about your days and what you're doing. In fact, it was kind of worrisome that you didn't. I know I overreacted to the reading ones in the past (that is a whole other part of my insanity) and again, not proud of that, but when I said I didn't want to know that you were working on stuff, it was only regarding the stuff we were doing together. It was me not wanting to get my hopes up about that story again, not wanting to restart the train. I don't think you should have to censor your posts for me, and I don't want you to. I'm sorry that wasn't clearer. I just found that when you'd say "I might have some of this in a few days," I'd try not to get excited, fail, and get frustrated again when the few days passed and there wasn't anything. I haven't been able to fix that, which was why I said I thought I'd do better if I didn't know it was coming at all.
You are free to post what you want about your activities. Really.