Reader Feedback Request: City of Glass

[scribblemyname]

In the effort to meet my deadlines on City of Glass, I pounded out the middle of chapter one, working off of some previous work that worked pretty well—before I put it in a serial. I distinctly do not care for how chapter one turned out because it seems to have lost all the tension from the prologue and I’m pretty sure it’s because I went with the outside POVs and am holding my real main characters at a distance. These are Hayley, Jena, and Shelley, who hasn’t even shown up on screen yet because I dumped her remand scene.

Should I power ahead on chapter two or rewrite chapter one? Do you care?

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Originally published at Liana Mir. You can comment here or there.

Comments

[pygmymuse.livejournal.com]

To be honest... this one is confusing me as much as Vardin did.

I don't know. Maybe it is the point of view, but they feel... disconnected, and I have no sense of what is going on or how anyone relates to anyone else. The first chapter is far away from the prologue, but I didn't feel like I knew what was happening in the first part.

I read that bit you had summing up the world in one of your other entries, same with the blurb on Vardin, and I went... "Oh, that's what it's supposed to be."

In reading it, though, I still don't get it. I didn't have any sense of Vardin being this world near England and France or that there were other worlds. And this one... I think I might have a better sense of the setting to some degree, but I haven't seen the connection.

I remember thinking when I read about the two characters in love on opposite sides of the war, and that to me made me interested in seeing more, and I would think that has a stronger "hook" and could give a better sense of the world... still showing and not telling... but in a way that makes the connection clear and strong.

That's me, though. That's how I'd be telling the story, and you have to do it according to your vision for it.

[scribblemyname]

Hmm... I'm not sure if there's any way I could have made the setting situation MORE obvious in Vardin: stating the relationship directly in the first couple parts and then continue to mention it is as good as it gets.

This one. It's hard to keep the relationships all clear if someone isn't tracking it all carefully. I did better in the prologue 'cause it was local and you followed the disc the whole time. But then I jumped across the universe because I needed the prologue for the book, but I didn't need the book for the prologue, and I shoved the whole thing out the door, and I felt chapter 1 was just too disconnected. Hm...

Thinking.

[pygmymuse.livejournal.com]

It could be me. Maybe I missed it. I do need to go over it again, but I don't remember a discussion of where Vardin was... I remember the talk of the Queen's will beating through her and being a slave to it and being older than the people around her. And going from that after the butterfly one, I was really lost. I know I mentioned being confused about the location/setting, and I remember you addressing it.

I must have missed the connection, and it has been a while since I read it, but I know I was lost before. I should try rereading it and seeing if I get a better sense of both stories.

Maybe there is a way to tie the stuff across the universe back to the prologue somehow? I don't know if any of those characters have a connection to the ones in the first chapter... And now I can't remember if they got word at any time of what happened in the prologue (maybe I am just not retaining what I read and that's my issue... it doesn't make sense because I'm not remembering anything?) but that might make a difference as well, having that event intersect somehow.

I don't know that I'm helping any, unfortunately.

[scribblemyname]

I did just tie back to the prologue, but not really much in the middle two parts. I think I can do some tweaking, do some more networking. Hm... Thank you for the feedback. Will see what I can do.

[pygmymuse.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. I wish it was more helpful.